Parenting in Todays World.

Parenting has changed so much in the past 40 years! We have gone from a single working family to dual working families. The pace is much faster. Educating our kids are much faster. Keeping our kids safe is harder to do.

There are so many books and manuals out telling us what to do and how to do it. You may wonder what my qualifications are. I am a Grandfather with two boys. One Son of whom I had no idea that was mine until about four years ago. Another Son in which I went through and extremely hard divorce and fought to see.

I will give you my insights upon parenting and also what the Bible has to say about it. You may be surprised that the Bible, a piece of literature that is thousands of years old may have to share about modern parenting!

Benjamin, my youngest was such a blessing to me. He was born the same morning that we bombed Baghdad. I can remember watching this history transform as he was being born. He was fighting for his life because the embelicle cord was wrapped around his neck. With each contraction he should have faded but he became stronger! He never gave up! I was so proud of my wife, his mother at the time. Benjamin was born after the doctor unwrapped the cord from his neck. My Wife and Son was so amazing that day.

He came home from the Hospital and he grew day by day. He was exceptional in my mind bring me joy and happiness. Unfortunately, his Mother fell in love with someone else and we became to argue and things became more strained. Soon we were in divorce court. Divorce finalized our marriage but I continued to fight for Benjamins visitation.
I never talked badly about his mother in front of him. I would pick him up on the days alotted and we would have a few hours to be Father and Son. Some days she refused to allow me to see him. I would call the Police in which they would come and attempt to speak with her. I would then insure that I came away with a detailed police report. After gathering several of those reports I took her to court and showed the Judge these police reports and he warned her that she is in contempt of the Child Visitation Orders. She soon complied.
We finally had the visitation orders changed to see Benjamin days instead of hours. We got to take him to Disney. Unfortunately, He was scared to death because his Mother told him that we were probably going to steal him from her. He was sick on the plane but when we got into the Limo the Driver saw his condition and called Disney to imform them. Upon our arrival to the Disney Wilderness Lodge, a lady was at the door of the Limo and said, "Hello Benjamin! Mickey heard that you weren't feeling well so he sent this basket of things to cheer you up!" Benjamins face changed and was so happy because it had all kinds of candies and toys as well as a big Mickey Mouse Doll! The rest of our stay was amazing!
When he grew up and became a teen he recieved a cell phone from his Mother so as to text. He texted to everyone except me. He called his Mother every morning with his phone.
One morning, I walked in and he was talking to someone. I asked who he was talking to. He stated that he was talking to his Mother. I waited for him to get off the phone. I will admit it. I lost it!
He would call his Mother every morning but he couldn't call me?! I was livid!
I told him to get his things. I took him home and told him. If you don't want to be with me then you don't have to! Call me when you want to hang out!
A month went by. I was thinking to myself, maybe I had over reacted. My current Wife, Sonia, told me that I had done the right thing. There was a call that came to the house. Sonia, took the call and called for me to come to the phone. Ben wanted to speak to me! I could barely contain my emotions. He wanted me to come pick him up. He wanted to spend time with ME! I was so excited that I could barely control my emotions! I picked him up and he got into the car. We drove along for a while in complete silence. He looked over at me and said, "You know, Mom's Crazy!" We just laughed!

Life gets faster as you grow older. When Benjamin went to school, I told him that I would be there for him. I was! When he got into a fight, I went to the principles office to support him. What had happened was this boy stabbed my son in the back of his shoulder with a pencil and Benjamin promply whipped his butt! I always told Benjamin to defend himself but not to start a fight. That is what he did.
I told the principle that if he suspends my Son then the other boy should be suspended as well. It actually wound up that the other boy was suspended and Ben was allowed to go back to class.

There were times when Benjamin didn't get along with a certain teacher. We sat in the Principals office and I spoke to the Teacher in regards to his education. I insured that his report cards were mailed to me.

Ben and I made up a contract about rules around the house and concerning school. He signed it. He was pretty good about the rules.
We had a rule about school that said, If he brought home and A, I would pay him a dollar. A B would get him .75, A C would get him .50, A C would get him .25, A D would get him .10 and an F He would have to give me a Dollar!
One day, I received a letter from the school with his report card. There were 3 F's on it! I called his Mom. I asked her if she had seen his report card? She said that she had. I asked her if she saw the F's. She was surprised because on her report card, they were B's! He had intercepted the report card and changed the F's to B's not thinking that I would get a copy!

She gave him his punishment by taking away everything in his room, except a mattress and a light.
When he came over, I sat him down and I told him. "You owe me $3 for the 3 F's that you had on your report card." He chuckled to himself and said, "Well, I don't have $3!" I said, "Follow me." We went to the tool shed and I told him to get the shovel and follow me. I had him dig holes in the ground, all day.
He was so angry! He told me how much he hated digging holes in the ground! I replied, "Son, if you don't want to dig holes then never bring me F's on your report card again." He didn't. He never had another F on his report card.

Of course when he got older he wanted to test the old man out. He was mowing in the back yard. He was being so nonchalent about it. He was messing up. He was missing grass and I was making him go back over it. I told him, "Son, you are going to have to go back over that area there. Can't you see the grass that you missed?"
He walked up and started bringing his fist up to his face in a boxing stance. I told him, "Now Son, when you do that, you make yourself into a man. If you swing on me, I'm going to knock you out!" He said, "I'll tell Mom." I looked at him and smiled. Then I said in a low voice, "That's okay. You can tell her when you wake up from me knocking you out." Slowly the realization of reality set in and he brought his fist down to his sides and he returned to mowing the grass.
I have spanked him maybe three times in his life. It was the last resort. I told him why that I was spanking him and afterward I hugged him and told him that I loved him.

There were days that we would go to the Zoo, or the Museum, or to the park. There were times that we would play video games. There were days that we worked. I wanted to educate him and allow him to have fun.
Today, he is a grown man and he works with me at the same company. I am very proud of him and so is his bosses. The people around him know his as a hard working, honest man. That makes me happy that I have a little bit of that come back 100 fold.

Nate is a different story.
I was young and dumb when I had him. I was married to this young lady. We were so young and naive about the world. I was not the same man that I am today. I didn't know anything about relationships other then what I saw in the movies and the soup operas. What a horrible way to learn about life!
I'm so glad that my second wife had me go to anger management to learn how to use my words! The rage would build up inside me and I didn't know how to safely release it. I was a terrible husband. I can remember when Nate was born but I didn't know that he was my Son. I claimed him on the birth certificate but because of my wifes promiscuous ways, I didn't think that he was my Son.

I left her in Florida and went on with my life. She had the marriage annuled and we were done.
About five years ago, I recieved a message on Facebook. It was from a young lady in whom I had never heard of. She asked me if I knew a Nathaniel Peters or a Tina Crockman. I knew about Nathaniel  but Tina Crockman, I didn't know. I knew Tina Stratman. She sent me her phone number and told me that they didn't want anything from me but that Nathaniel was my Son and he was going to Afghanistan to serve in the Army!
I called him. He answered. Oh MY GOD! It was like talking to me! He sounded like me! He used sayings and words just like me! I knew within an instance that He was MY Son! I found him on Facebook. He looked like me thirty years ago! There was no denying him!
I told my Mom about him. She asked me if I had done a DNA test on him! I was like, "MOM, He's my Son! I don't need a DNA test to know this!"
In one day, I went from One Son and a Granddaughter to Two Son's a GrandSon and 3 GrandDaughters! There was whiskey involved that night, I guarantee!

I asked him how that they found me? He told me that his wife, Krystal, emailed hundreds of Raymond Peters on Facebook until I responded. I asked him why that he hadn't done so earlier. He told me that his Mom had told him that I was dead. His GrandFather, Johnny pulled him to the side and showed him my picture. He also gave him a Gideon New Testament that had my name on it. He found out that I was alive!
I'll never forget when we drove to Alabama ,where he was training, to visit him! We called his wife and she told us where to go. We met her and hugged her, then out from the back of the SUV bounced two little young girls! They ran up and gave me a hug and a kiss! I was being smothered to death by kisses from my grandyoungins! I was in Heaven!

Then we drove to the Fort and signed in to get our Military Visitation passes. We followed her to the facility to where the guys came to shoot pool. We stayed in the background until he came thru the door. He came in and greeted his family and then we stepped into the light and he saw me. He ran over and gave me a big hug! I was so happy to meet this man. He was my Son and he hollered to the guys in the building and said, "Hey, this is my Dad!" I was so proud of him. He had done good! Later on we had the chance to meet his young Son, my Grandson, Shannon! They all look like me! It's such a great feeling that ones legacy lives on!

 

My Granddaughter, Son and Myself.

My Son, Nate, Myself and Sonia my wife.

This is me in 1983!

One of the passages of scripture that I wanted to share with you is found in the book of Ephesians chapter six and verse four. It says, 4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath : but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Basically, it states that we as Fathers of our children should obstain from provoking our children to be angry with us. We are to love them, educate them, feed them, protect them, nurture them, admonish them in the ways of the Lord.
Being a Father is NOT easy but it is well rewarding in the long run. It's just getting up every day and putting one foot in front of the other. Knowing that there is a little one that is trying their best to be like you.