I remember when the word "Divorce" was uttered in hushed tones in private talk. I for one have been divorced twice in my 51 years and I am now with my third wife, Sonia. For me it has been a learning curve. I really didn't know how to be a man in my first marriage. I only knew what I had seen in watching my own parents as well as Soap Opera's. First piece of advice, Don't take notes on how a marriage should be by watching Soap Opera's. Marriage is NOTHING like a Soap Opera unless you make it like one. If you want and love drama, you can certainly have it.
After my second marriage on the rocks, I had to do some inward searching. Maybe it's Me? How could that possibly be? I'm talented, sweet, kind and above average in bed how could it possibly be my fault??
One thing that I found lacking was my own inability to communicate. I'm not talking about just talking, screaming, yelling and throwing a temper tantrum. Children throws temper tantrums. I mean to express my self and to listen to my wife express her self.
Find the time to talk and just to be together. I love movies and TV but some times you just need to shut it down and pay attention to your spouse. Believe it or not they love it when you just focus on them!
Women like for you to listen to them. Now when I say listen, I don't mean just nodding your head and with your eyes glazing over drift off to Golf Land. I mean to take notes and listen to her or him.
Many times they have something to say that you have never heard. There are things that you may not know about your spouse even though that you have lived with them for years.
I just found out the other day that my wife HATES deviled eggs. I had not one clue! I have lived with her since 1992 and never knew that she didn't like deviled eggs.
I have also learned that when you are on a road trip that it's cool to play a game called 20 questions. Just shut off the radio and you ask a question, then she will answer and then she will ask a question and you will answer. It's a great way to find out interesting things about your mate.
One thing that I love to do is to have a date night. Now, date night doesn't have to mean that you go clubbing. It means that you both do something special with each other. It also doesn't have to mean SEX. Sex is great but I'm talking about doing something FOR her. For instance, when she comes home, Have the house clean, have the bath drawn, soft music, candle light. While she is bathing her cares away, you are either cooking a wonderful dinner for her. Or you could be calling that favorite pizza place or ordering in. Timing is every thing. So once she is out of the tub, you could be there to help her dry off and have the rob warmed up. Lead her to the dining table to wine and dine her.
Nothing pleases a woman better then to know that you took the time and the thought to put her first.
Believe this or not, if you write her poetry that will certainly put a star in your favor! Poetry has been working for thousands of years.
Check out the Song of Solomon Chapter one:
The song of songs, which is Solomon's. 2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. 3 Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth , therefore do the virgins love thee. 4 Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee. 5 I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon. 6 Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother's children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept . 7 Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth , where thou feedest , where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions? 8 If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherds ' tents. 9 I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh's chariots. 10 Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold. 11 We will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver. 12 While the king sitteth at his table, my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof. 13 A bundle of myrrh is my well beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts. 14 My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of Engedi. 15Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes. 16 Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green. 17 The beams of our house are cedar,and our rafters * of fir.
That is a Song that Solomon wrote to his love over 3,000 years ago. I find it very sexy and inviting.
Yes, you too can write what is in your heart.
Here is something that I wrote for my Sweetie.
The night we met our fate was set
that we would be lovers, comrades, yes
I thought in my mind, even friends.
As Fate would have it we tied the knot.
The knot that is so precious to me.
No Foe, No Soul, Can break what we got.
For our love is boundless, yes alot!
I cheer thru the tears,
as we fight thru our fears,
I'll reach for my beer and toast my sweet Sonia Lee.
The Spiritual Foundation is very important and the Sex will come but you must learn to communicate.
Tell her your concerns, your dreams, your fears, your feelings. That is what love is all about. Sharing each other in word and deed. I hear people say that they don't have the time. That really goads me to think that in this modern world where there is email, cell phones, Ipads, text, computers, letters, airplane signs, bill boards, sign language, smoke signals, radio, televisions we don't have the time to say,
"I LOVE YOU!"
It's either communicate or Divorce.
Here are some statistics to educate so that you can make a better decision.
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